Trying to wake up this morning, my eyes still closed, I saw white noise. Snow. Static. Like you used to get when the TV went off the air. The X Gen and the millennials have never experienced falling asleep to a TV show and waking up to white noise. Media runs 24/7. If you don’t like what’s on network tele there is Netflix, Facebook, twitter, YouTube to occupy your thoughts.
But I’m trying to wake up and all I get is a hissing noise in my head, where thoughts usually are. Thoughts about the day to come, the day past, bills, work, aging parents, fading relationships, dying celebrities… a running list that never stops. But for a few seconds, I have static in my brain. You would think it would be restful but it terrified me.
New Year should be an awakening; a new beginning; a butterfly emerging from a cocoon; the Phoenix rising; a new baby, all those clichés. But instead David Bowie dies. Last year we lost a ton of the greats: Natalie Cole, ANN RULE, Henning Mankell, Ruth Rendell, Terry Prachett, P.D. James, B.B. King, Meadowlark Lemmon, Yogi Berra… and including a couple of my personal heart throbs: Leonard Nemoy, Omar Sharif. I grew up with these people leading the way for me, inspiring me, showing me how to. They were only 10 to 20 years older than me. How can they be gone?
Then I start looking at my own life. I want to be a published author. I want a row or books on the shelf with my name on them. According to the deaths listed above, I’ve only got 10 or 20 years left to accomplish this. I’m ready to either scream and pull my hair out or curl into a ball and cover up my head. ACKCKCKCKCKCK!
Functionality low. Batteries at 15%. Recharge source is not attainable. White noise.
My husband says I should start channeling my high-functioning-sociopath tendencies! Now there’s an idea!